All the Ways I Fucked It Up: Boston Cream Pie

All the Ways I Fucked It Up: Boston Cream Pie

You may remember a promise in Episode 6 that Aimee was going to bake a Boston Cream Pie. And then, last week, we posted the recipe with another promise. This weekend, we had said, Aimee will make it. She’ll post photos! And then nothing.

Dear reader, I sprained my ankle last week which slowed me down a bit. And then, when I did set out to actually cook this damned thing, I messed up every step. Every single one. This is not an exaggeration. So we thought it would be fun for me to post the photos of what turned out to still be a delicious dessert, with an annotated version of the recipe marking all of the ways I fucked it up. You can still read the original recipe here. Please do not cook the recipe as it is below. You will fuck it up too. This one is purely a self-deprecating post. If you like it, we may make it a regular thing. I’m apt to fuck up future recipes too!

Instructions

(how I fucked it up)

Cream Filling
1. Separate the whites and yolks from two eggs. Put the whites into the mixer instead of the yolks, and whip those until they look like the foam forming around the mouth of a rabid dog. Add milk. Realize you fucked up. Pour out eggs and milk. Start over.
2. In a saucepan, throw literally all of the other ingredients, even ones you should wait on, into it, with the head on. Completely fucking forget to leave it off the heat at first. Whip for like 2 minutes and get bored. Walk away. Get distracted by your kids. Realize something is burning. Continue stiring it continuously until it thickens. Pour it into a fridge-safe container and ignore the burn bits of egg stuck to the bottom of the pan. Leave in there for 2 days because you are DONE with this recipe.

Cakes
3. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Spray the shit out of a 9″ baking pan. Assume it is 9″ without measuring, then realize it is 8″ and grab the right sized one instead.
4. Mix all the ingredients except for the one fucking egg. Why? Because it’s the last listed ingredient you you’re bound to forget something. Pour the mixture into the greased cake pan. Place in oven for 2 minutes, and realized you fucked up. Pull the mixture. Add it back to the mixer. Add the egg. Mix. Regrease pan. Pour back into pan.
5. Pour yourself a drink.
6. Bake about 35 minutes, or until you realize you didn’t set a timer. Keep doing the toothpick test until it comes out clean.


Icing
6. Melt 3 tablespoons butter and the chocolate over low heat, stirring occasionally.
7. Forget to heat water completely until it is almost too late. In fact, don’t measure out your other ingredients or prepare for that penultimate moment where you’ll have to add everything together.
8. Remove the chocolate from the heat and scramble to add the powdered sugar, spilling it across the hot burner. Add an unknown amount of hot water until it looks like chocolate icing and is smooth.
9. Taste to test. Shrug in defeat.


Assembly
10. Realize you have to cut a single-layer 9″ cake in half horizontally and that you’re on your second beverage. Say “screw it” and bake a second cake instead. More cake is better, right?
11. Assemble the cake a full day later when you are no longer frustrated by your own failings in the kitchen.
12. Spread glaze to the ends of the cake. Let it drizzle around the edges.
13. Consume entirely too much cake in one sitting.

Recipe: Boston Cream Pie

Recipe: Boston Cream Pie

This recipe is featured in Episode 6 of Drunk Dish (Boston Cream Pie & Communism). This is the very recipe first published by Betty Crocker in 1950.

Ingredients

Cream Filling
2 large eggs
1 1/2 cups milk
1/3 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
1/8 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons vanilla
Cake
Baking spray with flour to grease pan
1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour or 1 1/2 cups cake flour
1 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup butter or margarine, room temperature
3/4 cup milk
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 large egg
Chocolate Icing
3 tablespoons butter or margarine
3 oz unsweetened baking chocolate
3 to 4 tablespoons water
1 cup powdered sugar
3/4 teaspoon vanilla

Instructions

Cream Filling
1. Separate the whites and yolks from two eggs. Beat the yolks with a whisk until well mixed. Stir in the milk for the icing.
2. In a saucepan, stir in the rest of the cream filling ingredients(except for vanilla). Add egg mixture gradually. Cook on medium, stirring constantly until it thickens. Boil and stir for 1 minute, then remove from heat and add in the vanilla extract. Chill between 2 and 24 hours.
Cakes
3. Preheat the oven to 350°F. Spray just the bottom of a 9-inch round cake pan with the baking spray.
4. Mix all ingredients for cake until well-mixed. Pour into cake pans.
5. Bake about 35 minutes. Use the toothpick test. Cool cakes for at least 20 minutes on a cooling rack. Wait another hour or so before frosting.
Icing
6. Melt 3 tablespoons butter and the chocolate over low heat, stirring occasionally. In a separate container, heat water. Remove chocolate mixture from heat. Stir in the powdered sugar and 3/4 teaspoon vanilla. Stir in 3 tablespoons hot water. Keep adding water until icing is smooth.
Assembly
7. This part is tricky. You’ve got to cut the cake horizontally in half. If you have one of those fancy cake cuter things, use it! Otherwise, mark the center with toothpicks around the perimeter of the cake, and use that as a guide while cutting by hand. To split cake horizontally in half, mark middle points around side of cake with toothpicks.
8. Assemble cake as it was cut–with the cut sides on the inside. Spread cream in the middle.
9. Spread glaze to the ends of the cake. Let it drizzle around the edges.
10. Refrigerate whatever you don’t stuff down your gob.